Tuesday night musings

"Feel I'm on the verge of some great truth
Where I'm finally in my place
But I'm tumbling still for proof
And it's cluttering my space
Casting shadows on my face"

-Alexi Murdoch "Wait"

I was lucky enough to attend a kirtan/meditation session at Spirit Rock center in Marin on Sunday night. It was a celebration of the Winter Solstice, albeit a week early of the "actual date". It was one of the most powerful moments I've ever experienced. It had a lot to do with love, and finding the love inside of you that you have at your disposal and that you can offer not only yourself but others as well. There were some pretty specific people that came up for me and I felt so lucky to have them all in my life by the time the session ended. I haven't been able to get the idea of loving yourself and others out of my mind. Granted, this isn't a topic for the weary of heart. But when I think of love, I think of it as of a divine nature.

Divine love had no end as it in the same sense has no beginning. It doesn't abide by our definition of time. It is a constant force within us all that yearns to be released at all times. When we return to the source from which this love originates is when we find our Truth. For some reason we try and hold this love in, to cover it up with our thoughts, our stories, our perception of what love "should" be. When we release control of this misdirected and tainted form of thought we are able to actually "see". We're able to see that we are not our thoughts, we are only truth, light, spirit, breath. When we release control we inherently gain. This took me an incredibly long time to come to grips with. When we "let go", only then can we be touched by what the universe holds for us - everything we need is provided for us at each moment. It is this realization that is the truth, the way to the place from where we're all connected lies within us all at the present moment.

Am I spinning..... faster?

Thank you boys. I don't know how else to thank you other than expressing it here right now.

It's tough to describe in words how it makes me feel to hear what you have to say every time you get out there in front of us. It makes me fist pump when I walk down the street and certain songs come on.

I remember times throughout my life when I've listened to you and the feelings I've had at those specific times. Like driving through Colorado in a rain storm and having to pull over on the highway when a rainbow came out to sit on the side of the road, on the hood of my car, crying with such extreme emotion that I actually felt closer to being connected with a higher power than at any other time in my life.

I remember being with the people closest to me in my life, sharing in the groove of the moment and feeling like everything is right in the world at that particular time.

I feel myself actually emanate a vibration that is seemingly spinning faster that I not only feel it inside of me but others around me notice it as well.

It makes me who I am today and for that I'm grateful.

On this Thanksgiving weekend, I'm thankful for those feelings. And I'm thankful for how music has played one of the most integral roles in my life to date.

Happy Thanksgiving folks.

What are you grateful for today?

It was a question posed to me a few days ago, from the most unlikeliest of sources (my new iPhone application), but it's had me thinking about it almost since the question was asked. "What are you grateful for today?"

So, here's what I propose. If you've ever gone through partner meditation this might be a familiar exercise, for those that haven't, check it out. Ask your lover/partner/brother/parent/best friend/etc to spend 3 minutes doing this with you. Sit face to face and don't let them know that they're going to be asked to name things for which they're grateful. No practice. No time to think. (And as difficult as it might be, as you ask them in a minute, try not to formulate things you might say as well). Sit face to face. Tell them that you're going to ask them the same question a few times and that they should verbalize whatever it is that comes to mind first. This is sometimes more difficult than it sounds. We are beings that like, okay love, to judge not only others, but more so ourselves, so it's not an easy task to just rattle off what comes to mind (godforbid something embarrassing comes up). Tell them that they needn't feel uncomfortable but to be honest in their responses. Sit quietly face to face for a few seconds and then ask them.... "what are you grateful for"... "what are you grateful for" .... and so on, until they have said a few things. Then reverse and have them ask you. Write it down. Go back to it when you're having a hard day. Remember the things that make you tick, that make you feel that sense of connection with something bigger, with your true Self. And feel free to let me know what you think! Happy Saturday folks... here's to you. Oh yeah, and you too.

Airport delay musings - Letting go

A couple things are running through my head as I'm at John Wayne Airport trying to get back home to San Francisco (and as we speak, an additional 45 minutes tacked on to the delay... woohoo!). It wouldn't have been too long ago when, upon hearing that a flight was delayed 4 hours, would have most likely saddled up at the nearest drinking hole, probably would have met some interesting folks at the bar, people there for the same reason as I - killing time, brain cells and trying to dampen the agitation that comes with a delayed flight. The kicker is, for some godforsaken reason, I just don't want to do that anymore. As I sip on a coffee (ok, so there's no HUGE difference b/w coffee and a cocktail, but it's the meaning behind it I'm hitting on here), and people watch, I can't help but think about people's behavioral pattern, how they change as in my aformentioned aversion to airport cocktails, how set in stone these behaviors are in people are and what it takes for them to shift these patterns.

I am a believer in the inherent goodness of people, that they are doing the best they can with whatever it is they were given at that point of decision by their bigger Self that was incarnated in their body. It's just that people seem so blind to the world around them that they don't see the snowball affect a slight shift in the way they go about their lives would cause on so many other people, both people they know and more importantly, people they don't know. What we do has a ripple affect on the collective consciousness of everything in the world. As huge of a topic as this is (probably more detail later in another post), I can't help think that if people could just recognize, or notice, when a specific moment has chosen them for whatever reason and they have the opportunity to make someone else's life a little bit easier by not feeling so entitled to whatever it is they think they are, then just that minor change could literally change the world. Instead of yelling at the flight attendant that there isn't any more overhead baggage space because you were the last one to check in and rec'd a seat at the back of the plane.... why not just accept it, be it, let it flow through you and then just LET IT GO. Seriously, what difference is it going to make if you yell at the employee? What causes you to think that you are so effin special that you deserve to move someone else's bag and make room for yours? What makes you so fucking special? Did your mom used to tell you that when you were growing up? "Oh Johnnie, you're the most special kid there is and don't you EVER forget that!"

Well, I've got some news that might cause a bit of a paradigm shift. You're not more special than anyone else. You're no more special than that cloud that's passing overhead right now, or that baby that's crying next to you, or that homeless person that's struggling to find food for the fourth straight day. Stop thinking you're owed something because of the past. There is no past.

Oh, there is? Aha, it's made you what you are right now? Ok, then show it to me. Seriously. Put it on a plate and point at it and show it to me. What do you mean you can't? Why not? I thought you said it existed? Hmmm... got you thinking, do I? I'm not to say that the past didn't happen. I'm a realist. But seriously, the only moment we have is now and let's all do ourselves a favor. Let's stop thinking that we're better (or even worse, not as good) as the person sitting next to us and just stop, breathe, and recognize this is it. This moment is it. It's all we have and we have the unbelievable chance to make others lives easier as well. Just imagine how that would make people feel.